Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Keeping life simple, even when it isn't

Life is slowly becoming normal again. Or, I should say, I'm slowly developing a new sense of normal. Still, there's an undercurrent of anxiety in everything I do. How will I support myself? What direction is my life going to take? What should I be doing with my life? While I've always asked myself these questions, there is an urgency to answer them that wasn't there before. I'm trying to take things one step at a time, but it's hard not to be consumed by the big picture. To keep myself healthy (in more ways than one), I'm focusing on a few things right now:

1. Exercise. At first I thought that I might need several days, if not weeks or a month to be a slug. I know people say to take care of yourself physically when you're going through emotional stuff, but I assumed that I would shrug off the advice and gain 20 pounds just to prove how miserable I was. It turns out, I feel better when I'm moving. I've started running again, and of course I still have Zumba. My apartment is ridiculously close to my college, so I now commute on foot. Putting furniture together and making frequent trips to the dumpster/recycling/laundry room on a regular basis keeps me on my toes too.

2. Eating healthy. Again, I assumed that I'd give in to whatever craving I had. Who knew I'd be craving fruit and vegetables? Seriously, I get excited over salad.

3. Work. It's the end of the semester this week, so I'm grading, grading, grading. It's keeping my mind on the task at hand. Plus, I only have one week off before it's time to start the summer class, so I have more planning to do. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the big questions, but mostly I just keep my mind focused on the next thing. What else can I do? Life has to move on. I have to keep showing up.

4. Reading. Okay, so I'm reading about divorce, which seems somewhere between smart and tragic, but reading other people's words helps me focus my thoughts. Instead of just flailing around in despair whenever I feel like it, I have a time and a place to devote to thinking about my situation. I'm not avoiding it; I'm just trying to gain appropriate perspective.


David said...

Think of this as a rebirth of yourself! It's exciting! I can't imagine what you're going through, but I do know someone like yourself can only come out better. Best of wishes and great vibes your way!

Domestic Kate said...

Thanks, David. I alternate between feeling depressed/lonely/yucky and feeling excited about my future. The unknown is always scary.

David said...

I agree, the unknown can be very scary. But most of the time (in my opinion) the things that we know the least about or dread the most end up being some of the best things in life. I know it sounds strange, but it just kinda goes that way every now and again. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in the universe. Be the person you are meant to be.

c.a.b. said...

Kate, you inspire me. the end :)