Thursday, June 9, 2016


The view from my back door (just beyond that row of trees is my campus)

I've always felt like this time of the year has special significance. It's my birthday month, which might have something to do with it, but there's more. My life has been organized by academic years, so right about now every year, I get a little break and a chance to live for myself. It's also a time to deal with problems I've put off, and in general, it's a time for change.

Facebook is reminding me that seven years ago, I had just moved to Monterey. Because I know how this story plays out, it's bittersweet reading those memories. 

One year later, I was very sick. My now-ex had said something heartless and I knew our marriage was over. We had an explosive argument and a couple days later, let's say it wasn't the only thing that was explosive. My body was ridding itself of a virus, and I was mentally ridding myself of a shit person and building emotional immunity to protect myself.

Then again, I'm also seeing posts from a year after that, when we had finally separated, and I was able to feel joy again. I see hidden messages in my posts: "A hike at Garland Ranch" is read, "There might be romance in my life again. Woo hoo!" I remember feeling free, even though I had no plans for a stable future. Life was wonderful.

Other years, I've quit or started jobs around this time, I've taken big trips, I've started little projects, and yes, I've even gotten new hairstyles. This year, nothing truly momentous is happening, but I still feel that sense of change and renewal. I'm looking for ways to grow, refocus my energy, and get as much out of my life as possible. 

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